First of all, apologies for not writing on this thing for a couple weeks, but my life has been pretty boring. I had a good run there for a while, trying new things, videotaping them, and never putting the video anywhere (you can see the standup on my wall now, finally), but lately it has been school, pub, sleep, repeat. Not too much to elaborate on. I'm really hoping Bows brings back some good material from Orlando (wish I was there, congrats KF) Nothing really has changed, except for the fact that I broke my fall with my face on Wednesday night. I will elaborate.
So, Wednesday night begins like any other..."Yeah, just going out for a couple beers, nothing crazy." I don't even know why we kid ourselves. I'm not sure if any real man has successfully went out for just one beer. Anyway, several beers (and carbombs) later, I was so hammerfaced that I can't even tell you who was all there at this point. Also, at some point I acquired a nasty case of hiccups.
So, I tried everything. The hold your breath thing, holding your breath while drinking, probably tried to scare myself. Nothing, I was totally at a loss. So, we're outside smoking, which really sucks with the hiccups, when LBR3 suggests I do a "head rush" to resolve the problem. For those of you that aren't familiar with the term, a head rush is when you bend over like you are going to touch your toes, take several deep breaths, and then stand up straight. This always results in a lightheaded, high feeling. Now just a sidenote, I should've been skeptical, because I've had problems with this move before.
Back in the day, we were hanging out at the rapids when we all formed a circle and started doing head rushes for fun. Anyway, when it was my turn I came straight up and fell straight back. Didn't even try and break my fall. Passed out. When I came to, my good friends were kicking my lifeless body and yelling wake up as I convulsed on the ground. So, right away, red flags should've been going up...maybe a head rush is not a good cure for the hiccups?
Well, Larry must've been very convincing, cause I stuck my head between my legs and started sucking...air (zing). When I came up I must have been unconscious on my feet, but instead of falling back I stumbled/ran right into Walnut St. and totally faceplanted. Pretty much the last thing I remember is holding a dirty barmop to face while pouring blood and cursing. To make matters worse I passed out on the little couch in my living room and barely woke up in time for work the next day.
The best (or worse) part was trying to explain what happened in school the next day.
"Mr. Hess did you get in a fight"
"Yeah, you should see the other guy"
Until I made up an elaborate lie about playing roller hockey in a no checking league, when some asshole checked me. No idea why I didn't just say I fell, because I spent most of my classes today talking about a nonexistent roller hockey league that I do not play in. Anyway, if you wanna see the ugly mug you know where to find me, or check out FB. I'll try and injure myself stupidly again soon, so I have something to write about. I'm on my way out to watch TU, play with matches and run with scissors. Late
Hess out
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I forgot the most important part of the story, dammit. So, anyway, my hiccups went away. Success!!! If you ever can't solve the hiccups with conventional methods, go ahead and do a headrush. Also, my standup is now on my FB wall, check it out and let me know what you think.
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