Wing Man

So, obviously, Bows is our go to hockey and tennis guy. I honestly didn't see that hypothetical night on the town with Roddick coming. Speaking of little bitches crying after losses, though, Bows' rant reminded of when Adam Morrison and his wispy, wanna-be porn stache broke down in the NCAA tournament. I don't remember who beat them or round it was in (you'll notice Bows and I aren't big on fact checking, we need a stat boy) but I do remember him sobbing and rolling around on the floor like someone just punted Baxter off a bridge. At least he's had a stellar NBA career to atone for his sissy antics. Is he still on the Bobcats? Are they still in Charlotte? Is MJ still involved with them? So many questions. Now in the interest of full disclosure (I am a fake journalist, afterall) I must admit that I just remembered a relevant story while typing this paragraph. The last organized soccer game I played (yeah I played soccer, which is gonna make this even worse) was a state tournament game against our biggest rivals. I was the goalie, and the game did not end well. After their fourth or fifth goal, I was begging my coach to take me out and end my misery. He did not comply, so I started a fight with the closest opposing player, taking out a couple of my teammates in the process. The ref finally tossed me, and I left that field weeping like a six year old girl with a skinned knee. The moral of the story, and a running theme of this blog is that I am a little bitch.
Well, if Bows got hockey, I guess I got basketball, and I got nothing really today, because I only have paid attention to the games that were on last night. I will say this though, I am confident I could hang 20 on the Knicks. No, seriously, if I got 30 minutes and enough shots, I could do it. That said, I just wanna relay a depresssing story with a happy ending from last night. I had class til 7:30 last night and I was supposed to hang out with Bows after. The campus bar has college night on Wednesday and we hadn't been since we were undergrads a lifetime ago. We owned this bar back in the day, our picture was up on the bar and they used to reserve us stools. Again this was like 4 years ago. Needless to say we did not receive the same reception this time around. Bows will probably argue that we weren't pathetic, but I, at least, felt pathetic. We were the only 2 people in the bar that didn't know anybody else there, and we used to know everybody there. Sometimes you wanna go where everybody knows your name. So after being ignored for the better part of 3 hours (but also enjoying several $1 bottles) we decided to head for homebase around 12:30. There weren't too many broads still out but I had 2 sitting to my right and Bows had 1 on his left that was clearly into. I started talking up the one sitting next to me that I was interested, but her friend was clearly losing interest and looking for the tab. So, what does Bows do? He left the chick he was talking to and came over to entertain the friend. It was great, like he was doing his job. He even had her number, before I got the one I was interested. It may have cost him a shot at the other broad, but he went in anyway. That my friend, is a true wingman. They used to make commercials about guys like you. Anyway, that made a short story long. Thanks Bows. I'll be watching TU try and take out a top 10 Xavier team tonight, I'll try and remember enough to write a little about it.

-Hess