A-Rod and Bows do Roids

Its been nearly two and a half weeks since the A-Rod on roids story surfaced, so why am I still seeing it every time I turn on the TV? Is there really nothing better to talk about on sportscenter and all the other espn shows that are exactly the same, I.E. around the horn, PTI, and Jim Rome has gonorrhea? I for one am completely sick of hearing about baseball and its steroids scandal. I don't care anymore and I'm tired of hearing about it. After Barry Bonds and his enormous 20 lb melon head broke the home run record it was most everyones hope that a clean A-Rod, on pace to break Bonds' record, would eventually become the home run king. Now that baseballs greatest star player has been outed, I don't think there is anywhere for the sport to go but up and finally put all these steroid stories behind them. Now that A-Rod has been exposed, I don't think I can be surprised by anything anymore. As far as I'm concerned, every player from the late '80s till last year when the Mitchell report came out was on roids, at least every player that mattered. If you were one of the three players not on roids you probably weren't that good. If it comes out tomorrow that Kevin Stocker was on roids I wouldn't be surprised. Everybody was on roids, so I no longer can be surprised nor do I care. And if everyone was on roids doesn't that kinda even the playing field?

Well fuck it. I don't care anymore. Hopefully this whole steroid circus has scared the new generation of players completely away from steroid use and we never have to go back through this annoyance again. I am no longer interested in A-Rod or baseballs steroid problem. A-Rod did however kinda get me thinking though. What I am interested in, actually, is maybe some roids. Anybody, anybody? I kinda think it would be fun to do some roids, don't you? I've been trying to think of a way to get jacked without really having to do all that work for a long time now. Lets face it, working out is hard. And it often sucks. Well fuck that shit, I say lets do some roids. It will be great.

Lets just think about it for a minute before you judge. First of all, I will get jacked and ripped and awesome. Chicks will dig me, like A-Rod. I will become B-Rod. My head will probably grow fatter and oddly shaped but thats ok because it will look proportionate on my newly enlarged, bumpy body. I can now wear those extremely tight tee shirts that look like they are choking my arms. I can even wear those cool tee shirts with the squiggly tribal-looking lines all over them, or maybe even some see-through mesh shirts! Awesome! And then when the squiggly lines on my shirts are just not enough (how can you ever get enough squiggly lines) I can get them tattooed all over my biceps, maybe some barbed wire around my wrists and ankles too. While I'm at it I might as well shave my head and get an ass crack tattooed down the middle of my dome.

My balls will shrink, which I cannot afford, and I hear there may be mood swings. So I guess I'll be stomping around in an angry rage a lot, but that's ok because I'm jacked and will kick anybodys ass I please for pretty much doing nothing at all. God help you if you accidentally step on my new gym shoes. And I guess every time I glance down at my shrunken nuts I will just get even angrier, you know cause they look like soaking wet baby balls. Fuck it though, its gonna be great. You know what, I think we should all do roids. Lets all do roids, all my friends. I'm gonna need a spotter at the gym anyway. I'm gonna need someone to shout inspirational shit when I'm lifting my weights like “Come on!”, “One more man!”, and “Uggghhhh!”. Then we can share a protein smoothie.

After we all hit the gym and eat a healthy dinner of roids, chicken , and eggs (also blended into a smoothie) then we can go out drinking and pick-up chicks. We will all wear the same tight, squiggly shirts and those of us with hair will soak our blowouts with LA looks, the rest of us will just oil our bald ass domes. We will then crush beers at my house. Literally, you must crush every beer can after you drink it, those are universal douchbag rules. Then before we go out we have a flex off. The winner will be judged in the categories of; 1) most obnoxiously abnormal size, 2) overall amount of veins about to burst, and 3) swimsuit contest (speedos only).

Once at the bar we will all gather in one corner and stand there as if we have claimed that area as ours for the rest of eternity. We will crush beers and shots and a vast array of bombs. Most of us will clutch our beers far too tightly and hold them at a right angle to flex our guns without really having to obviously flex our guns. The rest of us will obviously lift our arms and flex our guns. One or more of us will eventually start a fight for no reason and then we will stomp our angry asses down to old city where apparently all the chicks are. However, none of us actually hit on chicks anymore. Instead, we simply club them over the head and drag them out by their ankle. The girl awakes in the morning with a pounding headache and a pounding asshole. She charges me with rape and I must flee the country so I do not get my own ass pounded in prison because lets face it, I'm roided-up but I still can't defend myself. So now I live in a third world country under a bridge. My head is an over sized coconut, my neck has fused with my shoulders, I have a crazy nervous twitch, I eat the village children, and I fuck billy goats, or maybe just a regular goat that I have named billy.

Ok, maybe I'm getting a bit carried away. Anyway, if anyone is down let me know. Fuckin' roids man. In other news it is almost spring time and the new line of GBW is in the works (for real this time). We are finished with the design phase are now planning to buy a printer and start production shortly. Orders will be taken on this site as well as in person. GBW, this is our year bitch!

- Bows